The Mall of Shopping
by IrvingZissman
Summary: COMPLETED Set after the events of Switched. Raven caves in and finally agrees to attend the mall of shopping with everyone's favorite Tammaranian. Just simple humor here, folks. No slash or anything.
1. The Store of Music

So this is my first real serious attempt at fan fiction, so please be gentle in your reviews. I bruise easily. And yes, I don't own the Titans and such. Cartoon Network does sadly, cuz if I owned it, I WOULDN'T HAVE FREAKIN' CANCELLED IT YOU SLIMEY RAT BASTARDS! ARRGGGGGHHH!

:sigh:

I need to find my pills. While I do that, please read and enjoy!

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Raven sighed deeply as she walked in through the electronic doors of the Jump City Mall. She had been here maybe once or twice before, back when there was a bookstore in here, but that was so long ago.

Just as she had expected, the mall was an over load to her senses...harsh, bright florescent lighting, loud noises and lots and lots of people. The empath glanced over at Starfire who's emerald eyes were lit up with a childlike wonderment at the "mall of shopping", her large eyes completely in awe at all the sights and sounds surrounding her. Raven smirked slightly and just shook her head. No matter how many times Starfire had been to the mall, it's always seems like her first time. One would never guess she had been to the mall at least twice a week.

"So where do we go first?" Raven finally asked. Star's eyes light up as she eagerly began to bounce in place, clapping her hands out of excitement.

"We could go the store of music or perhaps this "Topic of Hot" you speak of. I believe the "arcade" has some of the most challenging games of skill. So many choices!" Starfire chimed. Raven merely nodded, trying to quiet down the uneasy feeling building in her stomach. She had promised Star she would do this and she wasn't about to let the crimson haired Tammaranian down.

"Why don't we just start at the CD store, Star? I've been meaning to pick up some music to help me mediate." Starfire smiled broadly at this suggestion and grabbed Raven's slender wrist.

"GLORIOUS!" she said "Let us make haste to the Store of Music!" and before Raven could object, Starfire was eagerly dragging the pale girl behind her.

The CD store was rather large considering it was in the mall. The walls were adorned with various posters of everything from the Backstreet Boys, to H.I.M to Metallica. Rows upon rows of CDs from all kinds of genres were scattered in front of the two Titans with the sweet smell of freshly burning incense hanging in the air.

Like a moth drawn to a flame, Raven made her way to the incense and candles. Jars upon jars of incense sticks of various fragrances beckoned her as well as several large soothing scented candles. She paid no attention to Starfire who had wound up in the heavy metal section, curious as to how a hard metallic substance could make music.

As she browsed the CDs, flipping through each artist, a young man made his way next to her. He appeared to be in his mid-20's, sporting a pierced nose, a jean jacket with a large anarchy symbol on the back with his jeans having various buckles and zippers on them. He was a regular at this store and had his eyes locked on Starfire. He licked his lips slyly as he approached the tall alien girl.

"So...find anything cool yet?" he asked. Starfire looked up and smiled at him sweetly.

"Actually, most of these "compact discs" appear to be at a normal temperature." Surprised and taken back, he figured she must be joking and forced a chuckle or two, to humor her.

"You're pretty funny, you know that? My name is Rick. What's yours?" Starfire merely stared at him blankly.

"I was not trying to be funny. You inquired about the temperate of the CDs and I merely replied that they were at a decent temperature to handle...and my name is Starfire."

"Starfire, eh?" he grinned. "Well, Starfire, what brings a hot babe like you to this place? Looking for the new Cradle of Filth album?" Star merely raised a puzzled eyebrow.

"Cradle...of...Filth? I do not believe I have ever heard of such a group." Rick grinned again and placed the display headphones on Starfire's head, scanned the nearest Cradle CD and hit play. Only the first 30 seconds actually played before Starfire yanked the headphones off with a high pitched "Eeek!" and fired a small starbolt at them, sending them up in a controlled explosion.

"Such...noise!" she exclaimed. "It is like the dying wail of a wounded Snarglop!"

Rick was speechless at what he had just transpired. "You...you just shot a freakin' fireball out of your hands! THAT IS SO KICK ASS! How'd you do it!" Starfire merely blushed.

"On my planet it is most common, but here on Earth it appears to be most unusual. It is handy in fighting the bad villain people." It was then suddenly that Rick realized where he had seen this girl before.

"Wait, I know you! You're one of the Teen Titans aren't you? You're a super hero! I've seen you on TV!" Starfire beamed brightly at the recognition of being a "super hero" and uttered a polite "Thank you." still blushing a shade of crimson that matched her hair almost to perfection. "Wow..." Rick said, still in shock. "I can't say I've ever done it with a super hero before..."

"Done what?" Star asked innocently.

"Done NOTHING, is what he means." came the icy monotone of Raven.

Rick's smirk quickly faded as Raven interjected herself between Star and Rick, her violet orbs focused right on his own eyes.

"She's not interested." she said bluntly, before turning to grab Starfire by the hand to lead her to the register.

"Hey you frigid bitch, maybe you should mind your own damn business and let your friend make up her own damn mind? How about that?" Rick shouted, not amused at being denied his woman. Raven paused slightly before turning to face Rick, paying close attention to his nose ring.

"Nice ring" she said flatly. "Did it hurt?" Rick scoffed at the very notion of it hurting in the slightest. "After all," he thought "pain is for sissies." He opened his mouth to speak, but all the came out was a loud pitched, slightly girly squeal of pain. His nose ring had suddenly become engulfed in a pitch black magic sphere, and it was ever so slowly being tugged away from the tender cartilage of his nose.

"Owwww! Oh gawd oh gawd..." he wailed, his eyes starting to well up with tears.

"Now what do we say?" Raven said, her eyes glowing a solid white.

"I'm...I'm sorry I called you a YEEEOOOWWWWWbitch." The slightest of smirks appeared on Raven's ashen face as the ring returned to normal. Rick fell to his knees to lick his wounds and wipe the tears from his eyes, muttering under his breath that she's lucky he doesn't have super powers.

"Good boy." Raven said dryly, giving him a soft, sarcastic pat on the head. "C'mon Star, let's leave so Rick here can bandage his nose."

"It was still nice to meet you, Rick!" Starfire cheerfully shouted as she Raven led her by the wrist to the front register.

At the register, Raven handed the man behind the counter her bounty for the day. 30 sticks of incense of various fragrances, with names ranging from Nirvana to Mother Earth, and a CD of soft, instrumental mood music meant for relaxing during meditation. Pulling her cloak close to her, she reached inside to unbutton the small pocket where she carries her money. Fumbling for the right amount, she was suddenly taken back by a CD practically shoved in her face by an over eager Starfire.

"Friend Raven!" she exclaimed "Look what I found in the "bargain bin" that was on the sale!" Gently pushing the CD out of her face so she can read it, Raven glanced at it's title. "WORLD'S GREATEST POLKA HITS." Raven merely shook her head.

"It's right up your alley, Star."

Raven paid for her items and while waiting for Starfire to pay for her polka CD, she sighed to herself.

"One store down, only 30 or so more to go." she thought. "This is going to be a long, long day."


	2. The Store of Books

Whoa, thanks for all the kind words folks! I think I'm just starting to get the hang of this whole "fan fiction" thing. Let's see what else is in store for our friends, shall we?

* * *

"This has been a most wonderful day so far, do you not think so, Raven?" Star asked. Raven forced a smile and nodded politely at the tall alien girl, though in reality, she'd much rather be back at the tower, curled up with a nice cup of tea reading a book of ancient Azarathian poetry, but that was out of the question now.

Raven attempted to keep her focus on finding a store they could both find suitable to visit, but this was proving to be difficult because a now giddy Starfire was singing her favorite Tammaranian folk song. Right before Raven felt her eardrums were going to explode, she noticed a glowing sign which read "CAMPBELL'S BOOKS" and suddenly, the folk song didn't seem so bad.

"Star, look...there's a new book store in here." she said. Star stopped her song in mid verse before smiling broadly.

"Perhaps you would like to go and "check it out", yes?" Raven nodded in response before a eager Starfire again grabbed Raven's wrist to zoom directly into the store.

The store wasn't exactly what Raven was used to. Elevator music played softly over the speakers, while a middle aged woman with thick glasses stood behind the counter watching over the customers like a silent sentry, guarding the precious knowledge contained in these books. Starfire floated into the kid's section where was she giggling with delight at "FARMER JOHN'S BIG BOOK OF ANIMAL SOUNDS" playing the cow mooing over and over again.

Raven, meanwhile, had finally found what she was looking for...the poetry section. She glanced over the titles looking for a name she may be familiar with - Edgar Alan Poe, Percy B. Shelly, Ambrose Pierce...anything she could recognize, but instead was finding such items as "LARRY THE CABLE GUY'S 101 REDNECK POEMS" or "THE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO LOVE POEMS."

Not exactly something she was hoping to stumble across, to say the least.

Combine this with the fact the constant cycle of an electronic "MOOO!" immediately followed by Star's innocent giggle was starting to give the Azarathian a headache.

Massaging her temples, Raven made her way to Starfire who was giggling just as hard as she was 10 minutes ago when they first walked into the store.

"Star?" Raven asked as polite as she could, her normal monotone slightly hinting a greater annoyance. Starfire stopped the mooing to smile happily at her friend.

"Yes, Raven?" Raven ceased massaging her temples and opened her eyes.

"Please stop the mooing or else I am going to go crazy! You're giving me a headache!" Starfire carefully put the book down on the shelf before blushing out of embarrassment and uttering a quick and quiet apology. Raven sighed deep inside, suddenly feeling guilty for her actions. She should have just let Star enjoy herself and not been so quick to put an end to it like she had. "C'mon Star. Let's go to the food court to get something to eat, I'll buy." Raven smiled hoping her fellow Titan would take her up on the offer. She didn't have to wait long before Starfire's sullen expression disappeared just as soon as it had appeared.

"Oh glorious! I would enjoy that very much!" she squealed before grabbing Raven's wrist again to drag her out of the bookstore. Raven promptly dug her heels into the carpet, causing Starfire to do a 180 spin. "I think I can find the food court on my own." she flatly explained. Starfire blushed.

"Apologies friend."

The two female Titans made their way out of the bookstore heading to the food court, Raven greatly relieved she could move on her own free will and wasn't being dragged by the much physically stronger Tammaranian. Walking through the crowd she could hear the whispers of the awe-struck citizens

"Is that Raven? And Starfire? Shopping? How cool!" Despite being in Jump City for a few years now, Raven could never quite get used to being a "super hero celebrity." She was new to it and frankly, it made her feel a bit uncomfortable. It was like second nature to Robin, who had been the famous protege of the legendary Batman. Beast Boy seemed to openly embrace it, mostly for the attention of his female fans, and Cyborg just seemed to shrug it off as business as usual...and Starfire? She could make best friends with a mold covered brick. "Maybe it's just me..." she thought to herself.

She was lost in the confines of her own mind when she found herself running right into Starfire's backside, causing the pale girl to utter an audible "Ooomph!" Star had abruptly stopped in front of the arcade, causing the poor pale girl to land right on her butt. Standing up and dusting herself off, she took a deep cleansing breath to keep her emotions in check before inquiring why Star had suddenly stopped.

"Starfire, what are you doing?" she asked. Star didn't seem to notice Raven at all, instead her large bright emerald eyes were focused inside the arcade.

"Raven! Look!"

Raven followed with her own eyes where Star was pointing, straight ahead inside the arcade's gift shop, where priced for a mere 20,000 tickets was a medium sized stuffed unicorn. It had a shaggy pink, nylon "fur" with a gold horn that featured gaudy silver tassels poking out of the top.

"It looks like something a Care Bear might throw up." Raven said dryly. Starfire was unwaivering in her determination, however.

"Is it it not glorious? I simply must have it!" Spinning to face Raven, the cheerful alien girl grabbed her by the wrist again for the umpteenth time that day. "Quickly, there is no time to lose. We must work together to win that unicorn!" and before Raven could object in the slightest, she found herself being drug into the dark, loud cavernous interior of the arcade.


	3. The Arcade

The arcade was dark with the only illumination coming from the noisy video game machines, their flashing lights and screeching sounds already getting on Raven's cracking nerves...and the smell, for the love of Azar the smell! She couldn't quite put her finger on what it smelled like, but she definitely knew the source.

"It smells like nerds in here." Raven spoke grimly. Starfire stopped dragging Raven long enough to pause and take a whiff of the air herself. Her nose wrinkled at the unique aroma the place had to offer.

"Actually, I would suggest that it smells like friend Beast Boy's room." "Like I said..." Raven added.

Starfire giggled at Raven's joke before returning her attention to the room at hand, attempting to figure out which game to play. "Now let us see which game we shall attempt first...the Ball of Skee, the Whacking of Moles, or perhaps we could enjoy a nice game of Hockey on Air?"

"Why don't you just enjoy the games, Star...I'll sit back and watch, ok?"

Starfire smiled and nodded before turning to face a brightly lit "WHACK A MOLE." The tall Tammaranian reached into the back pocket on her lavender mini-skirt, producing a quarter and inserted it into the slot. The machine came to life, playing a distorted, garbled sound of what Raven guessed was supposed to be a cartoon mole taunting the player. The sound of course, while sounding like nails on a chalkboard to Raven, made the crimson haired girl giggle with an innocent enthusiasm that made even Raven smile.

Soon the game began and Star began to frantically raise and lower the heavily padded mallet on the head of the animatronic moles, one after another with a quickness and speed that only a Tammaranian could muster. By the time the game was over, Star had a nice pile of tiny yellow tickets pooled around her booted feet.

"SUCCESS!" she exclaimed clutching them in her hand, quickly counting her take...50 tickets! Only 19,950 to go.

Starfire scooped up her tickets in her arms, and made her way to her next machine, Skee Ball. Raven opened her bag and removed a stick of Mother Earth-scented incense, running the stick under her nose, taking a deep whiff of it's beautiful fragrance. Her eyes closed, letting the intoxicating aroma fill her senses, the loud beeping and clanging of the arcade seeming miles away. Miles away, that is, until she slowly became aware of someone watching her. She opened one eye expecting to see Starfire, but instead was greeted by an overly enthusiastic young man, tall, lanky with dirty blond hair and glasses.

"Can I help you?" she asked. The young man took a deep breath like he was just struck by lightning before speaking.

"Oh...my...God! It's freakin' Raven! You are even hotter in person than you are on TV!" Raven merely stared back at him blankly, unable to form sentences at the sudden deceleration the young man had just made.

"Umm...thank you?" she replied, unsure of what to say or do next. She didn't have to worry long, because the young man was more than eager to carry the conversation himself.

"You don't understand Raven, I'm your biggest fan! Every time you're on news, I video tape it! I have posters of you all over my bedroom and I'm the President of the Official Raven Fan Club for Jump City!" Raven resisted the urge to open a portal behind him and warp him to another dimension.

"Thanks...look, I have to be going now." Pulling her hood up, she began to walk away to check on Starfire to see how she was doing. The young man, however, was not to be denied his chance to meet his idol. He grabbed her gently by the arm and attempted to pull her back close to him.

"Wait," he said "don't go! We have so much to talk about! Like did you know my left ear is double jointed? Or that I can burp the alphabet? Or that I have a birthmark that looks EXACTLY like Abe Lincoln? Is it true what they say about you and Beast Boy? Say...would you go to prom with me?" Raven merely looked on with horror as she stammered to find an excuse, ANY excuse to ditch this guy.

"I'll...I'll tell you what. Why don't I just call you? How does that sound?" she finally managed to croak. The obsessive boy nearly fainted at her response.

"Oh seriously! OHMYGAWD, that would be terrific! Ok...well, my number is 555-7337! But don't call after 9 PM because Mom is in bed and she gets angry if the phone wakes her up." Raven merely nodded having absolutely zero intention of ever calling him and the sooner she could go home and mediate to forget about all of this, the better.

She didn't bother to wait to for him to say anything further, as she soon disappeared in a sudden wave of black energy, all though she didn't go very far at all. Instead, she merely teleported to the other side of the arcade where Starfire was in the middle of a heated Dance Dance Revolution game, a large bucket next to her over flowing with yellow tickets.

Starfire soon finished her game and earned a well deserved 2nd place, with first place belonging to the initials GAR L. She wiped the sweat from her brow as she smiled broadly at seeing Raven. "Raven! I trust you are having a good time?" she asked. Raven shook her head.

"Star, we have to get out of here...NOW!", her voice starting to lose it's normal calm monotone. Starfire looked puzzled.

"What is the problem, dear friend? You look as if though you have seen a Glarfnarg worm." Raven simply grabbed Starfire by her slender shoulders to drive her point home.

"What I just saw was a thousand times worse than any "worm" you may have seen. Let's just get to the food court and go home, ok?" Starfire nodded solemnly.

"I understand. Might I at least request the chance to play one more game of skill? I am a mere 50 tickets away from my goal!" Raven let out an exasperated sigh (she found herself doing this more and more as the day went on) and just nodded weakly.

"Fine. ONE game." Starfire gave her friend a quick hug of thanks and made her way to the last game...Test Your Strength.

The game itself had a large rubber pad attached to a sensor spring. The harder someone punched, the more tickets they were to receive. Starfire obviously knew the full extent of her alien strength, but had made the assumption the machine was capable of withstanding such abuse.

She was wrong.

The crimson haired beauty wound up and swung her dainty fist towards the pad, it all playing out in terrifying slow motion to Raven, who's cries of "Stop!" fell on deaf ears. As soon as Star's knuckles made contact, the machine caved in on itself, busting in half, sending a shower of tickets in the air, like a ticker tape parade. As the people in the arcade scrambled towards the tickets to eagerly add them to their own bounties, as if free money was being given out, Raven massaged her temples, trying to soothe her frayed nerves.

"Did...I win?" Starfire asked innocently. Raven just continued to massage her temples. Starfire counted her remaining 50 tickets and made her way to Raven, when she immediately noticed her friend seemed to be having a bad experience. "Is everything alright, friend Raven?" Star inquired. As if in response, a Pac Man machine next to Star became illuminated with black energy before exploding, sending quarters all over the arcade.

Taking a deep breath and exhaling long and slow, Raven simply stated "I think we need to leave."

The two Titans made their way to the counter to exchange Starfire's coupons for the stuffed unicorn. The frightened boy behind the counter, whom Raven guessed was no older than 16, handed Starfire the stuffed unicorn with a trembling hand.

"P-p-please..." he stammered "t-t-take it...just don't break any more stuff!" Starfire blushed and said a quick thank you before making her way the arcade, twirling the unicorn in her arms.

"Oh what a glorious animal you are! I shall name you Horsey!"

Raven felt her stomach growl. She normally didn't get this hungry, but a lack of tea and the stress of nearly blowing up half the arcade had wore her out and made her hungry.

"C'mon Star, let's get that food I promised you before we wind up destroying half this mall"


	4. The Court of Food

The food court stretched out for what seemed like miles to Raven, presenting to the empath a practical cornucopia of deep fried, overly greasy food, causing her to shiver at the thought of digesting such revolting cuisine. Pizza she could tolerate, but not this stuff.

It's not that she was overly health conscious, but growing up as a young girl in Azarath she was taught to keep the mind and body pure, mentally AND physically.

"There has to be some real food around here..." she thought to herself, before quickly focusing her attention on a small section of the food court labeled "CHICKEN SHACK"

"Chicken can be healthy. Come Star, we're going to Chicken Shack."Starfire smiled in approval and followed her friend to the front counter.

"I wonder, if perhaps, they have mustard here?" Starfire thought out loud. Raven approached the counter and sized up the menu, deciding on what she wanted. A moment or two later, she finally decided on what she was to order.

"I'll just have a small chicken breast salad, no dressing and a cup of ice water, please." Enough to fill her up, but nothing too overly greasy. Raven waited for her order to be processed, though the girl behind the counter didn't seem to notice her at all.

Raven guessed her to be around 15, her skin tanned to match the consistency of football leather. Her hair was bleach bottle blond, with thick layers of makeup and blood red lipstick to add the full effect. Raven smirked slightly with the sudden thought that she looked like she was more qualified to work at Ringling Bros Circus than the Jump City Mall.

The girl behind the counter twirled her hair and smacked on her gum loudly as she talked on her cell phone to whom Raven could only assume would be one of her equally vacant, air-headed friends. The marble skinned Azarathian took a deep sigh and cleared her throat, hoping to grab the girl's attention but with no such luck. Starting to get irritated, Raven rose the tone of her voice of a little bit.

"Excuse me, but did you get my order?" The girl sighed and spoke into her phone

"Hold on one second Candy, I've got a _customer_..." she said with traces of disgust in her voice. The girl, who's name tag read "JOY", put the cell phone down and with the enthusiasm of a wet sponge, mindlessly recited "Welcome to Chicken Shack, Home of the Big Clucker. May I take your order?" Raven forced a smile as best she could.

"Yes...I was just saying, I'd like a small chicken breast salad, no dressing and a cup of ice water and whatever my friend here wants." Joy merely stared back blankly.

"Hey wait a sec," she stated "aren't you that goth chick from the Team Titans?"

"TEEN Titans." Raven corrected. "And may we please just get on with the order?" Joy shrugged.

"Sure thing, what can I get ya?"

Sensing her friend was being pushed to her limits of patience, Starfire quickly stepped in front of Raven to act as a mediator between the two.

"What my friend here wishes is the breast of chicken salad, with a small cup of the ice water, please." Joy pushed some buttons on the machine to punch in the first order.

"...and?" she asked, her voice dripping with impatience. Starfire thought for a brief second before ordering.

"And I shall have the club of chicken sandwich, with extra mustard, gravy, jelly beans and a side of mint frosting." Joy raised a confused eyebrow.

"Sorry, but we don't have any gravy, jelly beans or mint frosting. I'll just put you down for a number 2 combo. Your total comes to $11.75."

Not wanting to deal with Joy any longer, Raven handed Starfire the money and left to go find a seat. Joy rang up the purchase, before noticing something about Starfire.

"Hey, I know you too. You're that Firestar chick from the Team Titans, right? You know the Robin guy? What's he doing next Friday night?" Starfire merely blinked, stunned at what Joy had just uttered.

"Um, I do believe we are called the Teen Titans, my name is Starfire and yes, I do know Robin. Why do you wish to know what he is doing next Friday night?" Joy smiled.

"Why? Because he's a hottie, that's why! I mean, you've seen him in those tights, haven't you? I just want to get my hands on him and dig in!" Starfire felt her mouth suddenly go dry.

"In case you must now, Robin is going out on the date with me that night!" She was bluffing of course, but Joy didn't know that. Joy laughed sarcastically.

"Oh I'm so sure the Boy Wonder wouldn't give you a second look. Listen sister, I don't know who does your tanning, but with that orange skin, you look like a tall Oompa Loompa. Leave Robin to the big girls, mmkay?"

Joy would have been much better to stick her face into the deep fryer. Starfire wasn't normally a violent person, but Joy had just stepped into Robin territory and this to be a serious mistake.

Starfire felt her face get hot, her eyes glowing a solid green, her teeth tightly clinched. She lunged forward over the counter and easily lifted Joy a foot or so off the ground.

"You are not worthy of being called my sister, my skin is not orange and you are a clorbag varblernelk!" Starfire hissed. Joy opened her mouth to scream but nothing came out except a slight whimper, like a puppy who had been caught using the floor for his own personal urinal.

Before Star could do anything though, a wall of black energy quickly shot up between the two girls causing Starfire to drop the frightened cashier behind the counter.

"Star!" Raven hollered. "Calm down! She's not worth getting angry over." Following her friend's example, Starfire took a deep breath and with a girlish "Hmmph!" turned her back on Joy and made her way back to the seat Raven had picked out.

"We are so banned from ever coming here again." Raven thought to herself, wishing she had stayed in bed instead of coming here.

After about 5 minutes or so, a frazzled and nervous Joy laid the tray of food on Raven and Star's table and taking a careful step backwards, ran to hide behind the counter. Raven sighed as she picked up her fork to eat her well deserved salad, till she noticed it was covered in bleu cheese dressing.

"I hate bleu cheese..." she muttered under her breath. Starfire meanwhile poked and prodded her sandwich with an elongated finger.

"It is cold and hard, like the rock." she noticed. Raven shook her head.

"Star, I think it's time we go home." The statement caused Starfire to frown, like she was just told Santa Claus wasn't real and knowing Starfire, she probably did believe in Santa Claus.

"Oh Raven, may we please partake of just one more store of shopping?"

"No Star, we've caused enough damage already. They're more than likely going to ban us for life from ever setting foot in here again" Raven objected. Starfire, however, was not about to give up.

"Please friend! Just one more store and than we shall leave. I promise!" she begged, crossing her heart. Raven sighed.

"Fine Star. But let's make it quick, ok? There is a nice hot cup of tea calling my name." Starfire clapped her hands with glee.

"Horray! Quickly then, let us dispose of this 'food' and make our way to the Topic of Hot!"


	5. The Topic of Hot

The Topic of Hot was an interesting place to the tall Tammaranian girl.

Loud music blared over the speakers, the fragrance of incense wafted through the air, offering a sweet delight for Star to inhale. Her emerald eyes opened widely as she carefully made her way further into the store. She walked slowly, scanning every single item she made visual contact with in fear she may miss some new and exciting thing.

True, she had been to the mall many times before, but she always stuck to stores that seemed more inviting to her. The Topic of Hot seemed to be a bit too much, with the loud blaring music, the dark interior, and the odd manner of dress she'd seen people wearing who came in and out. With Raven with her, however, she didn't feel quite out of place anymore. Raven's calmness and control of her emotions always gave Starfire of a feeling of security, that as long as Raven was nearby, things would be ok.

Raven slowly entered behind her, her hood still pulled up, hiding most of the pale empath's face. Her stomach felt sick, even though there was very little in it thanks to Joy. How could something as simple as going to the mall turn out to be the massive train wreck it had degenerated into?

It didn't take for long for Starfire to find something, as she had already picked out an item. It was a simple studded leather belt, accompanied by a large pewter skull and crossbones buckle. Star held the buckle in front of her before poking it to test how hard it was.

"Hmmm..." she thought out loud "this belt...it is some sort of earth battle armor, yes? Perhaps the sight of the the skull and bones is used to intimidate the enemy?" Raven just shook her head.

"Star, that's not what the belt buckle is for. People wear it to draw attention to themselves, not for armor." Starfire nodded, digesting the information she just learned before putting it back on the shelf.

"Are you interested in buying anything, Raven?" she inquired. Raven merely shrugged her shoulders.

"Nothing seems to really catch my interest..."

"Oh but you must try some of these garments! They are simply wonderful." the crimson haired beauty said and with that, Starfire pulled something from the rack that caught her attention. It was black and red, very lacy and frilly and looked to be rather small. "Perhaps it is a head band of some sort?" she thought out loud to Raven. Raven craned her neck over Star's shoulder to see what it she had found and upon viewing this mysterious item, quickly looked away, her normal ashen face a light shade of pink.

"Umm...Starfire? That's not a head band. It's...a thong." she said quietly. Starfire, still holding the item and now stretching it's elastic band out, turned to face Raven.

"A 'thong'? What is a 'thong'?" Starfire asked innocently. Raven felt her cheeks get hot as she swallowed her spit, taking a deep breath.

"It's a type of underwear that girls wear." she said, her monotone voice betraying the awkwardness of the situation and the slight embarrassment she felt trying to explain to Starfire the ins and outs of underwear. Starfire merely rose a curious eyebrow.

"Underwear? But why would any girl wear such an undergarment? It looks to be most uncomfortable." Starfire continued to stretch the elastic band of the thong, still perplexed by this curious article of clothing. Before Raven could attempt to answer this question, Starfire tugged a bit too hard on the elastic, causing it to sling out of her fingers like a rocket and land comfortably on Raven's head.

"...and now I have on underwear on my head. Faaaannnntastic." Raven groaned. Starfire giggled at the situation, finding it most amusing.

"Perhaps we should consider shopping for undergarments?" she proposed, but her request was quickly shot down by an annoyed Raven.

"I'll take a rain check on that." she said flatly, before picking the thong off her head and handing it back to Star. "Here...put this back. I'll be outside waiting for you on the bench." and made her way out of the store, leaving Starfire by herself.

Raven sat cross legged on the bench, giving her feet a rest from the hectic day of shopping. "It's almost over..." she kept repeating to herself, awaiting Starfire's departure from the store at any minute. She closed her eyes and attempted to at least try and keep her stress in check, taking slow breaths in and exhaling just as slow, clearing her mind of any thoughts she may have about anything.

Under her breath, she quietly muttered her mantra "Azarath Metrion Zinthos..." feeling a calm wave of relaxation sweep over her body. It would've worked too if her Titans Communicator hadn't beeped with an incoming message. Her violet eyes snapped open and with a slight sigh/groan, she snatched the communicator off her belt and flipped open the view screen.

"Raven here."

She was greeted with the smiling green face of Beast Boy.

"Raven! Dude, wassup?" he asked cheerfully.

"Beast Boy...exactly who I wanted to see." she replied, her voice void of any emotion.

"Really?" he said, his ears perking up slightly. "You're...not being sarcastic?"

"Of course not." Raven replied, just as monotone. "I'm never sarcastic. Especially not with you."

Beast Boy let this slosh around in his head for second, analyzing and then re-analyzing what she had just told him. "I'm confused..." he finally said, admitting defeat.

"Wouldn't be the first time." she replied coolly. "Now what is it that you want?"

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Robin wants to know when you guys are coming back. He says you're late."

"And why couldn't he just call me himself?" she responded, slightly perplexed why Beast Boy had to be the messenger. Beast Boy merely shrugged.

"I dunno. He said something about being too busy tracking down a new lead on Slade, but..." Beast Boy lowered his voice to a whisper "...I think he just misses Starfire."

"I heard that!" Raven could hear Robin holler in the background. "Don't act like it's not true!" Cyborg could be heard shouting back in the background. Raven sighed.

"Boys..." she thought to herself.

"Tell Robin we'll be back at the Tower shortly. Starfire is at her last store and then we're done for the day."

"Cool...hey Raven? Wanna hear my new joke?" Beast Boy asked

Raven merely raised an eyebrow as she calmly replied "I think I'd rather rip out my eyelashes."

"Awww c'mon! Just this one! I promise you'll love it!" he pleaded. Deep inside, Raven knew he'd keep pestering her till he finally got his joke out and secretly, she did find his jokes amusing, though she would never admit that to his face.

"Fine." she responded firmly. "Let's hear it."

"Awesome! Okay, so these two midgets walk into a bar, right? And they eventually work up a huge tab, right? Well, then the bill comes and first midget says 'Dude, would you mind paying this for me?' and then the second midget says 'Sorry man, I'm a little short!'" Beast Boy howled with laughter at his joke. "Get it? SHORT?" he repeated, just in case she may have missed the punchline.

Without saying a word, Raven merely clicked the communicator shut and re-stuck it to her belt. About this time, Starfire came bounding out of Hot Topic with two big bags full of clothing.

"Friend Raven, I was unaware that the Topic of Hot contained so many glorious items! Are by chance you ready to leave?"

"You have no idea..." came Raven's reply and not wasting a moment, she grabbed Starfire's slender wrist headed outside the mall doors, to the sunny parking lot to fly back to the tower. Raven looked up at the sky, concentrating on getting herself ready for flight when a familiar voice cut her off.

"Well, well, well...if it isn't everyone's favorite goth-she-bitch and her hottie friend?"

It was Rick, accompanied by three of his goons.

"Hello Rick." came Raven's icy cold response. "Does your Mother know you're out this late? Almost past your bed time." Rick laughed to himself

"Oh you've got quite a sense of humor, don't ya? Well let's see if you're still laughing once me and the boys get done with ya."

"It's your funeral." she said and with her eyes flashing white, she stuck her hands out.

"Azarath Metrion ZINTHMFFGGHH!" She was cut off by Starfire's hand covering her mouth.

"Raven, this is no way to treat out friend Rick! He merely wishes to do the 'hanging out' with us and 'do it' with me, whatever 'it' is. Perhaps it is a game of some sort?"

"Oh yeah, a game." Rick replied "Just like Twister..."

"Star, let me tell you what 'it' is." said Raven as she removed Starfire's hand from her mouth. Raven learned forward and whispered in the girl's ear what deviant desires Rick had. Rick couldn't hear what Starfire was being told, but judging by the fact her emerald eyes were getting wider and wider, he knew Raven must be laying things out in extremely blunt terms.

"You...you perverted Gnorkbark!" Starfire hollered and before Rick could react, he found himself being hoisted high above the Tammaranian's head. With a loud holler, she chucked him into a nearby dumpster before slamming the lid shut. Raven had to smirk at Rick's final fate being in the trash.

"Fitting..." she thought.

The other three goons stared on in shock at the dumpster, but when they finally returned their gaze to Starfire, they were shocked to see her levitating three feet or so off the ground. Her eyes were now a solid green, both her fists charged with large starbolts.

"It would be wise for you to start running now." she said calmly. The goons quickly scattered in random directions, leaving Raven and Starfire by themselves.

"Well that was interesting." Raven finally said, breaking the silence. Starfire was still shaking with anger.

"Those bad men! Boys can be such stupid florgs!" she hissed. "Come..." she said "let us return to the tower. I have a surprise I wish to show you and the boys..."


	6. Titans Tower and Starfire's Surprise

Titans Tower.

The monolithic T-shaped structure rested comfortably on Titans Isle, smack dab in the middle of Jump City Bay. The sun was just starting to set, casting down a golden orange glow on the city, bathing Raven in it's warmth. She wasn't normally the type to stop and admire scenery but even she had to admit the city looked rather beautiful today.

"It is good to be home!" Starfire exclaimed as the two Titans floated in front of the main door. "Friend Raven, I do wish to sincerely thank you for a most wonderful time at the Mall of Shopping. I do realize that at times I can be...trying to your patience, so as a token of my appreciation, I wish to present you with this gift." Raven was a bit shocked and felt bad for losing her patience with Starfire at times.

"It's not like Starfire can help it", she thought. "I remember how confused I was at first when I came to earth from Azarath..."

"Star...you don't have to get me anything..." she finally said.

"No, I insist. I know that you enjoy reading the books of poetry, so I purchased the book of poems for you. I do hope you enjoy it." the crimson haired girl said sweetly as she handed Raven a large green book. Raven blushed slightly.

"Thank you so much Starfire...now what do you get me? Poe? Lovecraft?" Raven flipped the book over to look at the cover..."Green Eggs and Ham." She smiled for the first time that entire day and slid the book in her own bag. "Thank you, Starfire. I'll treasure it always." The tall red head smiled broadly before lurching forward to encompass Raven in a hug, with Raven's petite body completely wrapped up in the Tammaranian girl's long arms.

"Starfire..." Raven finally whispered after a beat or two.

"Yes Friend Raven?"

"I need to breathe."

Starfire uttered a quick and sincerely apology, before letting the empathic Azarathian girl down. Raven let out a small gasp as she felt the air rush back into her lungs.

"Perhaps we should make our way back into the tower?" Starfire proposed bashfully. Raven merely nodded, dusting her cloak and leotard off. Starfire put the palm of her hand on the scanner and with a WOOOSHHH the doors opened...

* * *

"Dude, no fair! You are so totally using cheat codes!" Beast Boy protested.

"It ain't cheat codes," Cyborg countered "it's called skill! Something you don't have, grass stain!"

On the main LCD TV in the Titans OPs room, Beast Boy and Cyborg were locked in a fierce battle of "ROBOT ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE" for the brand new GameStation 720. Cyborg's character had just completed a fierce 27 hit combo on Beast Boy's robot zombie, allowing Cyborg to not only win the game, but set the new high score as well.

"Boo yah! New high score! Read it and weep, baby!"

Beast Boy scowled as he threw his controller on the floor in disgust.

"No fair man! I didn't get a single hit in. You were SO cheating." Cyborg just grinned ear to ear.

"Now BB, don't be all upset cause Uncle Cyborg took you to school. Everybody loses...just some more than others." Beast Boy sighed, before picking up the controller.

"One more round then! I feel a victory coming on!" And just like that, the rematch of the century had begun. Both boys were so distracted in their intense battle of epic proportions, that they didn't notice Robin walk in, standing right behind the couch.

"So...any word from Starfire yet? And Raven?"

"Man, I keep telling you...they'll be back in a while! You can see your girlfriend when she gets here." Cyborg objected.

"Starfire is not my girlfriend..." Robin objected, crossing his arms over his chest. Cyborg just grinned, nailing Beast Boy with a TRIPLE KAMIKAZE BLAST attack, sending the poor changeling's character flying through a nearby mountain side. "Besides..." Robin added "If you want to talk about somebody having a crush, I think Beast Boy here has me beat hands down." Beast Boy blushed, feeling his green cheeks get warm, as he obviously knew who they were talking about.

"I...do not!" he replied, practically stumbling over his own words. Both Cyborg and Robin chuckled hard at that.

"Oh c'mon BB, it's obvious. I mean, whenever Raven gets within three feet of you, you just kinda freeze up." Cyborg was always good and picking these kind of things up, even if it was so obvious.

"There's nothing wrong with being attracted to her," Robin offered "she is rather cute."

Beast Boy sighed as Cyborg finished off his character with a DELUXE MEGA CANNON attack and once again, the metal Titan had earned a flawless victory against the green Titan.

"It's more than the fact that she's cute..." Beast Boy said, caving in and admitting his crush. "Raven is just...just..."

"What exactly am I, Beast Boy?"

Beast Boy shrieked loudly and jumped nearly a foot in the air.

"R-R-Raven! How long have you been there?" Raven raised an eyebrow before making her way to the kitchen to prepare herself a long deserved kettle of tea.

"I heard you attempting to describe me. So what am I?" she said calmly, setting the kettle on the stove top. Beast Boy felt his mouth go dry, his body numb, his palms sweating profusely inside of his gloves.

"Raven, you're awesome. I love every inch of you and I think you're an intelligent, beautiful young lady." is what he thought he said. Instead, what came out was "I...well...I mean, that is...uhh...you're cool, I guess."

"Whatever." Raven said as she merely rolled her eyes and returned her attention to her tea, but deep inside whether she wanted to admit it or not, she was slightly disappointed he didn't go into further detail.

"So Raven," Robin said, approaching the now slightly depressed Azarathian, "where is Starfire exactly?" Raven merely shrugged as the whistle on the tea pot signified her warm drink was finally done.

"We arrived back at the tower and she said she wanted to show off a new outfit she bought. She wouldn't let me see it, insisting I be surprised like the rest of you."

"Huh..." came Robin's confused reply "I wonder kind of outfit she bought?"

"Dude! Helllloooo? This is Starfire we're talking about here!" Beast Boy said, happy for the subject to be changed. "It's probably some pink Powerpuff Girls tee-shirt or maybe some frilly dress with ribbons." Raven nodded in agreement and attempted to take her first sip of her herbal tea, when at the same time the cup touched her lips, Starfire bounded into the OPs room, grinning broadly as she proudly displaying her new outfit. What followed next was a shock wave that registered over the other 4 Titans...

Raven almost choked on her herbal tea, swallowing it down as best she could, feeling the hot liquid glide down her throat...

Beast Boy exclaimed "DUDE!" loudly, his eyes unblinking in amazement...

Cyborg repeatedly checked his visual input scanner to make sure what he was seeing wasn't an illusion...

...and Robin?

Robin merely stared at her, his mouth open, a very, very slight trail of drool dribbling down the corner of his mouth. He attempted to speak but all he managed to muster was a random combination of babble and nonsensical ramblings.

Starfire blushed a deep shade of red at everyone's reactions. Instead of her normal lavender halter top, mini skirt and boots she normally wore, her new Topic of Hot outfit was drastically different in appearance.

It appeared to be a "French maid" outfit, with a micro-mini skirt and thigh high dark black fish net hose and left little to the imagination. She did a slow twirl for everyone to see, causing Robin to feel like he was going to pass out.

Finally, Raven broke the silence and asked the question that was on the minds of everyone. "Starfire, for the love of Azar, what possessed you to get THAT?" she said, the tone of her voice reflecting her over all distaste for the outfit.

"I had remembered what you told me, friend Raven, about earth people buying clothes that draw attention to themselves and wishing to experience this earth ritual, I merely asked what the most "drawing of attention" outfit was and was immediately told about this glorious garment." she said sweetly, completely unaware of the paralysis it seemed to put in the boys.

"I think you accomplished your goal rather well..." Raven said dryly "...and I think Robin is now in a coma." Robin merely nodded, his face still a vacant mess.

"Come Starfire..." said the pale sorceress "let's get you changed back into your uniform before Robin has a heart attack." and with a swissssh of the door, the two female Titans headed to Star's room to attempt to return things back to normal.

"Did...anybody else just see that?" Beast Boy finally asked after what seemed like hours of silence.

"I saw it...don't know if I believe it, but I saw it." Cyborg added. "What about you, Robin?"

"I think I need to go lay down..." the Boy Wonder said softly.

* * *

It was night time, with the moon shining into Raven's bedroom, causing the girl's skin to glow with an almost white hue. She stretched her slender arms outwards, yawning deeply, as she prepared herself for slumber...it had been a crazy day and she was glad to finally get some well deserved rest. Poor Starfire even made the 7 o'clock news, with a reporter talking to a still visibly shaken Joy about how "that weird orange alien girl just snapped and attacked me!" Robin mentioned he was going to issue a press release tomorrow to clear the situation up.

Raven sighed and crawled into her bed, pulling the blankets right up to her chin, snuggling her body to get warm.

As the Titan fell asleep, her room became encased in silence, the only sound being her soft breaths coming in a slow, gentle rhythm. The moon bathed the bedroom with it's soft glow, casting it's light on the many artifacts and items in the empathic girl's room.

One of these items happened to be her bookshelf, where nestled among volumes of spells, potions, poetry was a copy of "Green Eggs and Ham."

**THE END**


End file.
